i LOVE 5-year-old toby!

I am really enjoying and loving 5-year-old Toby!

Being Toby's mom and trying to figure him out, how to discipline him, entertain him, teach him, encourage him...these have been some of the hardest things for me since he was two! They have also been my biggest stressor. I have cried and felt confused and discouraged trying to raise my little Toby.

but it finally feels like we have turned a corner!

I have grown as a mom and learned SO MUCH these past five years. And just in this past month Toby has grown and matured so much. This combination is bringing so much more peace to our lives!

me: I've learned not to question everything. I've learned to be confident and not let his attitude change the attitude of the whole family. I've learned, and am still learning, what motivates him and what grounds him. This has been hard b/c my natural inclination or style of parenting isn't always what he responds best to. And its easy to expect adult reactions from him even though he is a small child. I now know what he can handle and I try and not put him in situations that he can't succeed in yet. I've learned from David when to let Toby be a boy and when he is being too wild and rough. I now believe there really is a difference in the way boys and girls are wired! I've seen how there is a direct connection between how Toby behaves and how much focused attention I give him. It is too easy and tempting to "get stuff done" and not see him and engage, teach or play with him.

Toby just demands more of me. Ellie has been fun, sweet and easy every stage of her life. Well except week 2 through week 8. She was colicky! But at the end of week 8 she started smiling and hasn't stopped since then. Of course she needs some discipline, encouragement and guidance as well but it's pretty cut and dry with her. She responds well to rules and consequences.
Toby has gone through stages where time outs didn't work, spankings didn't work, taking things away didn't work, nothing seemed to work! His desire to do what he wanted to do was just way stronger than his desire to obey us! Toby makes me tired. I have to give a lot of myself. More time that I want to, more emotions, more brain power trying to figure out the best way to handle each situation. With this I also have to be careful that Elliana is not overlooked because she is an "easy" child. I dont want to favor Toby because he is demanding more attention nor favor Ellie because she is so sweet and simple. I try hard to give both of them attention in the way they need it. That is hard! But I'm trying!

We are alike and different in such a way, that I learn so much about myself through him. He pushes my buttons which bring out my own lack of confidence, selfishness and desire for control. People say that getting married teaches you how selfish you really are, but wow, raising kids! That has brought out my ugliness more than anything else! I need God, David, other moms, and friends so much!

toby: since he turned 5, it seems as if something clicked inside him. He is still a wild, rough and silly boy. But a new sensitivity is coming out of him too. He really wants to please me. He very much wants me to be proud of him. So he has good manners at the table, he is polite, he cleans his room, he intentionally shares things with Ellie. Of course they still have their moments. And sometimes he tries to do a task better than Ellie so I will be so proud of him b/c his was faster, or better. So we are explaining that I am always proud of him and Ellie, simply because they are our kids. Sometimes we are not proud of their behavior, but I am not more proud of one or the other, etc. His attitude is general is positive. He is so much fun to be around! He doesn't make me tired anymore, ha! We seem to have a good system down. (for now, I know seasons change) He is learning to keep trying at new things and not get so frustrated if he can't do it quickly. He is truly a good big brother to Ellie and Asha. He is a good helper. He loves to give gifts to people and make others laugh. He simply isn't pushing every boundary that we give him. He is more confident in himself and in David and I.

All of this to say that I am having so much fun with 5-year-old Toby Justice!